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my dad told me and my brother he wished he could have spent more time taking care of us, before we had to take care of him.

that's all i've wanted.
i don't think i'll ask for anything ever again.

ya

People who have only good experiences aren’t very interesting. They may be content, and happy after a fashion, but they aren’t very deep. It may seem a misfortune now, and it makes things difficult, but well—it’s easy to feel all the happy, simple stuff. Not that happiness is necessarily simple. But I don’t think you’re going to have a life like that, and I think you’ll be the better for it. The difficult thing is to not be overwhelmed by the bad patches. You must not let them defeat you. You must see them as a gift—a cruel gift, but a gift nonetheless.

...

i looove it in phoenix. i am having an amazing time. but since that conversation (as of what an hour ago??)...

i wish i could come talk to you for like 2-3 hours. and have you fix everything i've been hating and regretting since... him. and get it off my chest.

guess i'll wait til i see you then.

i like

why, thank you

i wont let you down.

hah thank the lord!!

REALLY

i really, really, really, really, really want this. PLEASE.

just sometimes

i have been so unbelievably happy in the past few weeks. happier than i've been since summer. bouncing off the walls happy. but some mornings i wake up and i get... that feeling again. that dread. and victimization. and severe sadness. and the only thing i want is to either shove all thoughts of my father out of my head or go see him, curl up in his arms, and cry.

i try so hard not to take anything for granted and i know i'm blessed. but some days i just need to... not. i need to not be happy. i need to just stop hiding those thoughts that are always jumping around in my head. i need to find a balance where i can not ignore what's going on with my dad, accept it, and still be happy with the idea of it. that's a huge challenge. but i can try.

my horoscope said...
"The energy around you may be slowing down a bit, and that's okay!" and i do think it's alright. i can't be happy 24/7 in my life. i need a balance. a way to feel, and not shut things out, and let things in.

and on a lighter note, it also said... "Friends can turn into more-than-friends, and encounters can turn hot on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Go on, look and feel terrific -- and be terrifically appealing, whether you're single or coupled up." i like this idea :))