This can only be a good thing :)
15 years ago
Monday, February 23, 2009
Emotionally Drained
My mind is filled with so many thoughts. It's bearing down on me and taking a toll. I want to fix everything that is broken right now, but I have no idea how!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I leave
tomorrow for Disney.
And for those who noticed I linked by blog to facebook. So if you want my REAL blog to see all the posts go to savingmygeneration.blogspot.com... it's better.
I'm trying to figure out the camera for digital media and it's fricking me over. The lighting is bad. I have the ISO up pretty high and it is being cranky and making lots of things dark. Cause I wanna do a fast motion in like reg-dark lighting and i turn the shutter speed up for fast motion and then idk to do with the aperture then. And it is a F4 not F2 for the lowest? WTF? Nobody even knows what I'm talking about but there ya go. I'm angry at it. I wish I could throw it. Lol.
And for those who noticed I linked by blog to facebook. So if you want my REAL blog to see all the posts go to savingmygeneration.blogspot.com... it's better.
I'm trying to figure out the camera for digital media and it's fricking me over. The lighting is bad. I have the ISO up pretty high and it is being cranky and making lots of things dark. Cause I wanna do a fast motion in like reg-dark lighting and i turn the shutter speed up for fast motion and then idk to do with the aperture then. And it is a F4 not F2 for the lowest? WTF? Nobody even knows what I'm talking about but there ya go. I'm angry at it. I wish I could throw it. Lol.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Working
I'm trying to do homework and applications and scholarships. Its nice to stay busy and keep my mind off of sad stuff. I like the feeling of accomplishment. For some reason I want a busy schedule.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Faith
I went to church with my brother and sister in law and dad on Sunday. It was really nice to actually sit in on the service instead of sitting with the teenagers in the kids room, listening to stupid jokes and clips from tv shows and other such immature things. My co-pastor had a lesson on how bad things happen to good people and for certain reasons. And if anything horribly bad goes wrong, God is definitely behind it. Not persay because of sin (which is something I don't believe in), but possibly because of all our negative thoughts and hateful feelings.
She was saying that whenever something goes terribly wrong in your life, you have to have faith. Faith that it will always be okay, and if you believe that, it will come true, and the feeling will prosper, until another bad thought comes to mind. It was really difficult to listen to and not cry because it pertained so much to my life. The problems with my dad always make me think I'm too young to handle it, he's going to be like this forever, I lost my dad, he's brain-dead. All those negative thoughts run through my mind and when I think about those, I just feel helpless.
But what the pastor emphasized on was to focus on the positives in my life. I am so greatful that my dad is alive and I've had the chance to see and grow off of his intelligence and intellect. I was raised by a wonderful father. Also my close friends have helped me be strong through this. Also something I am truely greatful for is seeing my brother continually, and having him come to town more often. I have never been closer to him in my life, and it is the best relationship. I love him so much and I feel like he is a new part of my life. He is helping me, and I don't feel so alone. I can cry in front of him and he holds me and tells me everything is going to be okay. He tells me he loves me. We were never able to do any of those things. I am so greatful for this challenge God has given me and for a chance for me to grow and learn. I am so glad that Meike who led the speech at church that day made me realize what I need to focus on. It has been eye-opening. I hope I can keep these positive thoughts continuous and abundant throughout the rest of this year.
She was saying that whenever something goes terribly wrong in your life, you have to have faith. Faith that it will always be okay, and if you believe that, it will come true, and the feeling will prosper, until another bad thought comes to mind. It was really difficult to listen to and not cry because it pertained so much to my life. The problems with my dad always make me think I'm too young to handle it, he's going to be like this forever, I lost my dad, he's brain-dead. All those negative thoughts run through my mind and when I think about those, I just feel helpless.
But what the pastor emphasized on was to focus on the positives in my life. I am so greatful that my dad is alive and I've had the chance to see and grow off of his intelligence and intellect. I was raised by a wonderful father. Also my close friends have helped me be strong through this. Also something I am truely greatful for is seeing my brother continually, and having him come to town more often. I have never been closer to him in my life, and it is the best relationship. I love him so much and I feel like he is a new part of my life. He is helping me, and I don't feel so alone. I can cry in front of him and he holds me and tells me everything is going to be okay. He tells me he loves me. We were never able to do any of those things. I am so greatful for this challenge God has given me and for a chance for me to grow and learn. I am so glad that Meike who led the speech at church that day made me realize what I need to focus on. It has been eye-opening. I hope I can keep these positive thoughts continuous and abundant throughout the rest of this year.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Highschool
I couldn't agree with my bff Shelly anymore.
I WANT OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE.
I am way bigger than highschool. I am way bigger than drama. I have more shit going on in my life than the last break up or the last stab in the back. I have real life problems that I am not mature enough to deal with. Unlike the most childish things that happen everyday at school. I can't wait to get out and go to college. It's unbelievable how bad I want it.
I WANT OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE.
I am way bigger than highschool. I am way bigger than drama. I have more shit going on in my life than the last break up or the last stab in the back. I have real life problems that I am not mature enough to deal with. Unlike the most childish things that happen everyday at school. I can't wait to get out and go to college. It's unbelievable how bad I want it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I am...
I am very sleepy again. And I have lots of homework. I'm going to sleep in tomorrow. I'm glad the snow is off the streets. I like Jared Tuohy. I want to be in French 3. I can't wait for the new semester to begin. My contacts are dry. My cut lip on the inside is very infected and I want it to heal. It'd be nice to eat and kiss my dog. Or... Lol. K. Yes. Alright.
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