just sometimes

i have been so unbelievably happy in the past few weeks. happier than i've been since summer. bouncing off the walls happy. but some mornings i wake up and i get... that feeling again. that dread. and victimization. and severe sadness. and the only thing i want is to either shove all thoughts of my father out of my head or go see him, curl up in his arms, and cry.

i try so hard not to take anything for granted and i know i'm blessed. but some days i just need to... not. i need to not be happy. i need to just stop hiding those thoughts that are always jumping around in my head. i need to find a balance where i can not ignore what's going on with my dad, accept it, and still be happy with the idea of it. that's a huge challenge. but i can try.

my horoscope said...
"The energy around you may be slowing down a bit, and that's okay!" and i do think it's alright. i can't be happy 24/7 in my life. i need a balance. a way to feel, and not shut things out, and let things in.

and on a lighter note, it also said... "Friends can turn into more-than-friends, and encounters can turn hot on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Go on, look and feel terrific -- and be terrifically appealing, whether you're single or coupled up." i like this idea :))