victim

its so easy to forget how many other people are hurting too; in the entire world.
i have some tough, stupid shit going on. but there is waaay worse.
i'm tired of being the victim, so i'm going to stop believing that i am one.
karma's a sacred bitch, it'll all come around.

lady antebellum

"My friends think I'm moving on,
but the truth is I'm not that strong and nobody knows it but me.
I've kept all the words you said,
in a box underneath my bed,
and nobody knows it but me...

You should have been chasing me,
You should have been trying to prove,
that I was all that mattered to you,
Oh, I should have said all the things,
that I kept inside of me and maybe,
You could have made me believe,
that what we had boy,
Oh, that what we had
What we had
It was all we're ever need."

NOPE

or not.


you deserve better. you deserve better. you deserve better. he should want to drop everything he's doing and make the smallest sacrifice to come see you when your dad is in the hospital instead of partying with friends for over a week, ignoring your texts.

you deserve better.
you deserve to be with someone like your brother and your daddy.
YOU DESERVE BETTER.
listen to yourself lindsey! lissssten.

please

i was so unsure before.

and now i'm so sure. sooo sure. i want to be with you RIGHT NOW.

silly

CONFUSED.
that's all i can feel. i know we want each other. i know you have to be in my life. my feelings are growing the longer we're apart. is that good? i want you to hold me and make me feel better, but you're the problem! i'm the problem! is it even a problem? is there even a solution? what's gonna happen! i'm scared. you're scared. you miss me. i miss you... more.

my heart is already broken from the most important man in my life. and i don't want it to be hurt by another.

where's my answer book?

jason and paris

jason mraz puts paris into the most perfect words. uggh i want to go there so bad. jason would be a good addition too...

"Paris is a perfumed city, bedazzled in lights, leather and legs. It is a city that inspires poetry, romance and leave-in conditioner. This is the one city where I’m neither bothered by cigarette smokers nor stinky cheese. Being here makes me want a chateau to claim as my castle. Being here makes me want to sleep in an expensive suit while I dream in black in white. Yet while the city consumes my imagination, I am content in the corner, a tourist observing the colorful world in a state of perpetual newness. Even in the busiest of places, I find solace as if the city were sound proof, the babble of voices being the drone of raw emotion, nothing more. My understanding of the language is so minimal that comparing it to a call of wild animals is the best I can do to apply any meaning to it. Therefore, everything I hear is magical, like ears listening to ballet. The whir of le scooter, the ding of the vino, the clop of the boots and unzipping of jackets supply the musical accompaniment to all of it including my clinking miniature spoonfuls of sugar into my annual espresso."

ugh here sorry

anything to make money, right?

first time i've heard this song

40 Dogs (Romeo and Juliet) by Bob Schneider
WhoTF is Bob Schneider? Idk but this song is wonderful :)

Well if I spell it out, if I get it out,
Will you hear me when I tell you about
What I have to say, before it gets too late?
It's not as easy as I said it'd be,
But there’s something right about you and me,
Something right about you and me.

Well you’re the color of a book,
You’re the color of a sideways look from an undercover cop,
You’re the color of the book.
You’re the color of a storm in June,
You're the color of the moon.
You’re the color of the night, that’s right,
Color of a fight - you move me.
You’re the color of the color part of The Wizard of Oz movie.

We're like Romeo and Juliet,
We're like 40 dogs, cigarettes,
We're like good times that haven’t happened yet but will.
And I can tell you where we're gonna be
When the whole world falls to the sea:
We’ll be livin’ ever after, happily.

All the boys taking you for granted,
Tell you what they want with their eyes all slanted.
I don’t like the way they look at you,
I don’t like the way they talk to,
I don’t like the way they talk to you.
I wouldn’t let 'em talk to you like that.

Put 'em up high, reach for the ceiling.
Tell them that I'ma walk, damn it, I'm real,
And it ain't no crime, it's just dreams we’re stealing -
Anything to get more of this feeling

You take the high and I'll take the low,
We'll get there before you know.
We ain't got no time to waste,
We got too much light to taste.

We're like Romeo and Juliet,
And 40 dogs, cigarettes,
We're like good times that haven’t happened yet but will.
And I can tell you where we're gonna be
When the whole world falls to the sea:
We’ll be livin’ ever after, happily.

Sometimes you remind me of a moonbeam,
On the ghost of a moonbeam out on the beach,
Down by the coast, slip into Manila,
Like the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Come out tonight, come out with me, baby.
We'll throw the careful into the crazy,
Turn the sky black into a sky blue,
Turn the color shade into a hoo-hoo.
What I say is true, make a fire, gotta burn a few,
Make a fire, gotta burn a few,
We can do what we want to do.

We're like Romeo and Juliet, 40 dogs, cigarettes,
We're like good times that haven’t happened yet but will.
I can tell you where we're gonna be
When the whole world falls to the sea:
We’ll be livin’ ever after, happily.

who knew

who knew i would ever like someone like you.
no that wasnt racist.
lol CALM DOWN.

and that's how it goes.

winter

astronomy
english 101
newspaper &
piano

sounds delish!

i like

living with no regrets.

finally

my dad told me last week he didn't know what he would do without me.
and today he told me he's so happy when i'm around.
everything i've asked for in the past year has come true. he's better. and i know he loved me when he wasn't. but to know how much he loves and needs me now, is the happiest i've felt in years.

you know what's bitchin?

divine order.

ya well

i'll bring it up.. eventually.

i wish

i had my own place.
and could stay out as late as i wanted.
and return in any condition i wanted hah.

i looove

catching up with people i haven't talked to in forever.
cause i just freakin' love humans.
<3

Mead Band

I never thought I would miss you.
I was sooo tired of band and the immaturity and ready to get out of high school. I didn't enjoy you to my full potential. But I guess that made it easier to say goodbye. But I'm making up for it now. Seeing Mead play and seeing all the kids and the great atmosphere there, ugggh that was just an amazing time in my life. I truly appreciate now. And it's not too late to do that.

sometimes

i wish i found that guy.

but then i think...
you are way too busy. and you are way to happy.
i like that thought.

100 posts.

wow i've come a long way,
and not far at all.
from who i used to be and who i am.
still the same, yet so very changed.

oh, and i miss dianne. and i don't think she even cares :(

attitude change

and it's for the better.
and life is bitchin'

social networking

linkedin.com/in/lindseytreffry
twitter.com/_LindseyTreffry (professional only)
twitter.com/LindseyTreffry (friends only)

if i have a good attitude

through all of college
it should be amazing

i better get workin' on that...

I feel like...

all that i've been doing is bargaining and pleading with god.
and praying, and hoping.
my daddy is my whole life now.
my dad is the reason why i have such a big heart to love and be so strongly hurt.
please god.

Blessed

I have the best friends and best family I could ever ask for. They are always there for me, and if not I know they all love me with all my heart. Newberg and the Oregon coast made me really think about and appreciate how great my friends are, and made me realize how much I can miss other friends and family while I'm away. My life could never end horrible if I have all the people I love in my life. I should never feel alone.

JON!

OREGONOREGONOREGONOREGON
shellyshellyshellyshelly
LONGBEACHLONGBEACHLONGBEACH
oregonoregonoregon
SHELLYSHELLYSHELLY
longbeachlongbeachlongbeachlongbeach

:0 !!! OMGOLLY

gary treffry

my dad's surgery is next week.
i will have no doubts, and i will have nothing but faith.
hope. no anxiety.
everything is going to be better.
my heart is going to stop aching.

thank you god.
thank you god.
thank you god.
amen.

ready

i'm so ready for the next step.
job, college, even homework (that idea wont last long).
i like this handle on life. i'm not quite sure which way to steer it (i don't know about my major as much anymore. i have so many options, i just don't know where to start and where it's gonna end. i want to be happy when i'm 40, and i'm sure my occupation is going to have a lot to do with that). seeing every go off to college, especially shell, makes me see how old we've gotten. it's pretty exciting, and i'm ready for it betchesss!

it feels nice

so i'm hired for shadle!.. after i finish the background check, investigation, etc.

and i get paid for working at the garage sale this week.

and then i will have a job on the 5th from CMS, and hopefully continue that as a part time job.

and next week my dad goes in for a meeting with the surgeon to talk about his NPH surgery :)

and hopefully in the next two weeks i'll finish the math tests at sfcc.

and then i go with jon to oregon and see shelly.

and school starts soon!

and then i sigh and think about how nicely everything is going and how super excited i am for everything that is coming up :) YAY!

awesome

being left out of a y.o.u group that i have loved so much for over six months is like a freaking high school click all over again. it's really unfair and immature. i honestly don't understand it.

i love

ROB PAULSON <3

18 years

so it wasn't a very eventful day.
but i had 17 birthday shout-outs on facebook and myspace.. and still counting. i think it's better to feel loved than entertained right??

yay for 18 years of life! wooo!

if

if i could blame it on the anemia

my sigh of relief would create a wind storm.
please?

i want

a job.
and a fun filled end of my summer.
at least i have the last one :)

i want

a guy like ed to find me.
ready go!

anyone out there?

i'm gone for four days... no missed calls. no voicemails. one text in reply to one i sent right before i turned my phone off four days ago. no messages/comments/etc on facebook or myspace. am i the only one trying to spread the love out there? i mean shit! i just want to be held and rocked to sleep right now. i need some chill pills.

Canada

I can't wait to see my family.
I feel so open and happy with them. Rafting is some of the best times in my ENTIRE YEAR.
And baby Sam makes my life. I'm never sad or upset when he's around. He gives me hope for the future. His and mine.

I can't wait to SCREEEEEAM on the scary rapids :)) Whhheee.

Study Abroad

I am going to study abroad in college. It's going to happen.
Sadly, the falls only offers Spain, Britain, Japan, and Australia. But that is according to the faulty, horribly made website.

At Central they have tons and tons of different programs, but none are quarter long (only semester or year) except for the faculty lead ones. Ecck.
But there is a faculty lead trip to Spain for fifteen days for specifically communication/journalist majors, which would be perfect.

But most of all I want to go to France. I just have to go. Italy too, but I feel like thats for my mom and I. I just have to go to France. With three years of it under my belt and possibly another year in college, it'd be way easier for me to pick up than any other language. Plus, its my dream to go there. To go to Nice and Paris would make my life.

That's one thing I'm looking forward to when school starts... being able to talk to my counselors about studying abroad, because all the offices are closed in the summer. It's such an exciting thought to be out on my own with no one I know in one of the most beautiful countries on earth. Uggh I'm just drooling thinking about it.

:)

My daddy told me he was happy today.
That made my week.

my least favorite letter of the alphabet

i'm still hurt.
i didn't know i could have such strong feelings for someone i'm not dating.

you're perfect! with only one flaw -- her.

Hey

I want to love everyone.
Alot.
I'm gonna work on that :)

DAMN

i should've asked sooner.
then i wouldn't have been lead on so much.

fukk. and now im shaking. in the bad way.

Shucks

No one can go rafting :((
First year alone. This sucks. Balls.

Oh well, I have an eventful two months ahead of me, no need to be upset :p

Yes

I'm starting to get the spark of energy and life back.
I'm gonna trap it and keep it with me haha.

This week's horoscope

"Getting in touch with people will make you happy today. The moon will be in peaceful Libra, and the way you approach people will instantly make them want to get together with you. This will be especially helpful if you're trying to get some work, or if you're trying to make some new friends at your pool, community center, or park."

I like the sound of that :))

I found out why...

I've been so bipolar.

...I feel like I need someone to need me.
It's not like I don't feel needed or loved by friends, but I want someone to need me. For them to want help from me.

And that's weird, because I already have that in plentiful forms in my life. I'm crucial to my dad's daily needs. So why do I feel this way?

I've been putting myself out there for all my friends. I wish I was giving my full potential right now. I've been like this for a whole month (which is the entirety of my summer so far). Just some weird funk, and I'm confused as to why it's happening. I'm completely happy when I'm out with friends and talking to people, but any moment I'm alone (and admittedly some moments with friends) I just feel so down, and unhappy.

I have been trying to stop myself from feeling that way, but it comes and goes in waves, unstoppable. But I'm trying to control my emotions and I'm not giving up. I love all my friends and I know they all love me. Humanity is pretty crazy and I want to experience it at it's full potential and test my limits with others.

Please give me something to look forward to.

Sometimes

I feel really pathetic.

I just wish I knew.

Today, I need to do something with myself. Job applications! I NEED A JOB. Woo here I go.

If It Kills Me

Jason Mraz expressing my feelings...
"Hello, tell me you know
Yeah, you figured me out
Something gave it away
And it would be such a beautiful moment
To see the look on your face
To know that I know that you know now

And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking
You know nothing

Cause you and I
Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and
We get along much better
Than you and your boyfriend

[Chorus]Well all I really wanna do is love you
A kind much closer than friends use
But I still can't say it after all we've been through
And all I really want from you is to feel me
As the feeling inside keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me

Well how long, can I go on like this,
Wishing to kiss you,
Before I rightly explode?
This double life I lead isn't healthy for me
In fact it makes me nervous

If I get caught I could be risking it all
Baby there's a lot that I miss
In case I'm wrong

[Chorus]

If I should be so bold
I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand
Tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man
But I never said I wouldI guess I'm gonna miss my chance again

[Chorus]
If it kills me
I think it might kill me
And all I really want from you is to feel me
It's a feeling inside that keeps building
And I will find a way to you if it kills me
If it kills me
If it kills me
It might kill me"

Exactly how I feel. At an unbelievable amount. I'm shaking thinking about it. Ridiculous.

Teehee

I think you're pretty awesome too.

Actually I think you're really awesome.
And you're really cute.
And I might like you.

HAH!

It'll Be Ok (Shelly Response)

I realized something.
We're not only friends because we get along great.
We were put together because of fate.

It is unfathomable - the fact that we are going through the same thing.
It's a bit of stretch to say it's exactly the same thing, but...
We have always been Daddy's Little Girl.
We're scared shitless about the future.
We've seen the strongest, most important man in our life become weak.
And most importantly, we're strong.

We were put together for a reason. Not only for all these great memories we've kept and the great bond we have, but so we can get each other through probably THE TOUGHEST thing we've both ever had to deal with.

And I want to tell you, you have the best family. You have two amazing brothers and a strong, loving mom. You couldn't ask for more. Just thank god that you've had the time with your dad, and that you caught this so early in the game.

I am ALWAYS here for you. 24/7. At college, at home, over the phone, over IM, heck over this blog as you can see (yes lame to tell you this important stuff over a blog, but I could get more out without blubbering and crying telling you this). Whether it's about your dad or it's about some shirt you just bought, I am here to listen and laugh and cry and talk to you.

I love you forever,
Lindsey

After Graduation Parties

I am so blessed.
I have the best friends I could ask for.
I have the best family ever.
Everyone in my life has forever shaped and changed me and I'm so glad.
This summer is going to be the best, and has been so far.

Welcoming Summer

Summer--
Hello there.
It's been a while.
I LOVE YOU!
--Lindsey

:O !!!

High school
NEVER AGAIN!

Ohmygosh. Seriously?! I can't believe it?!
When will it hit me?

I love humanity today. People are just great.
I will try to never forget any of these people. And I'll love them forever!

Wait what?!

..So you say I'm never gonna see some of these people EVER AGAIN?

Friday the 29th

Yearbook
Senior Issue of the Panther Post
85 degree weather
Book Slips
Bermudas

It's blowing my mind how close I am to something so scary. Graduation then Summer then College. How did it happen so fast? What happened to Barney and Sesame Street and tickle fights with my Daddy and being under 3 feet??
Dis shit is crazy.

Graduation

Well if I've made it this far...

Goood weekend

I am so glad I got to spend time with all my friends this weekend.

I can't believe there is only seven days of high school left-- ever!!
I love all my friends with all my heart :))
(Shelly this means you -- and we need to hang out and talk about life and college and everything-- it's been a while).

Cool beans!

Hey God

You sure like to test my limits don't you?

I'm scared.

12 school days

that's an unbelievable number. i can't believe i'm still taking the days for granted. i'll stop that now. after the AP essay, easy sailing.

super good mood

i want a dance party right now.

lol
broadway night tonight.
graduation comin' up, and i'm enjoying the days.
tomorrow is friday.

mother's day

cute love note from bruce to my mother:
'you aren't my mother
you aren't my wife
but you certainly are the light of my life.'

cute, huh?

hanson

'Isn't it weird? Isn't it strange?
Whoa, sitting on the side, waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.
Reaching for a hand that'll understand, someone who feels the same.
When you live in a cookie cutter world, being different is a sin.
So you don't stand out, but you don't fit in.'

life

things go well, and then things suck, and then they go well, and then they suck again. i think it's my attitude that needs to change, not my life. definitely.

Rally

was life changing as always. I have been high off of life since then. And even with swine flu like symptoms, I am content to the max.

I hope my friends know how much I appriciate and love them. I couldn't imagine my life without any of them -- old or new. Annnnd...
I CAN'T WAIT FOR PROM.

Seriously?

You're such an asshole to me.
Eff you, I don't even have the time to care.


I'm so happy =]

CBC

I love the sun. I love my friends. I can't wait to graduate.

SUMMERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Positive Thoughts:

It can be a matter of life or death.

Thank god

I have Dresden Dolls music to pound my anger out on the piano.

And thank god she said she was still proud of me.
Today=shitty. TGTIF. Spring break, I think I'm in love.

cute

You be my Nick, I'll be your Norah.

I don't care if I have to wait around. I'm content.

Hey you one kid--

stop confusing me.

Thanks.

Girl Advice: From vlogbrothers

Here's a youtube video vlogbrothers quote:

How do I get nerd girls to like me?

Idk, thats not really my area of expertise, hold on, lemme go and get Willy (brings in dog).Girls love you Willy, how do you do it? Kisses? You lick their ears? I don't think that's it.. atleast not at first.

Why do girls like you? Is it because you pee alot or you bark in the house? Or because you make alot of weird noises? Wait is it because you're the silent, shy, aloof type? The silent, shy, aloof type doesn't lick me on the mouth when I'm video blogging.

So I can tell you pretty distinctly why girls like Willy. Because he's a puppy. My first piece of advice for getting girls to like you is become a puppy. A kitten would also be acceptable or possibly a sneezy panda bear.

I've been dumped by a lot of girls. And in the process of acquiring those broken hearts I learned one important lesson: Girls don't like it when you get all creepy stalker-y on them.
See the problem with guys is we're needy but we're told that we're not allowed to be needy, so when we get in a situation when we're allowed to be vulnerable we sorta like rip it open and let it flow out and its kinda disgusting.

I have this theory with girls, atleast girls not named Bella, they have this warning system inside their heads and whenever we get too obsessed with them and focused on them it's like BEEP BEEP BEEP Back Away which btw is a totally helpful warning system because no girl- or any other person for that matter- will ever fill up the holes inside of you.

It's like chinese finger cuffs. Do you remember cfc? The way to get cfc off of your fingers is instead of being panicked and overeager, just relax.

Oh and one other thing guys, it would be really helpful if you can see girls as like people instead of pathways to kissing and/or salvation.

One thing I've noticed over the years is if you treat girls like people, although admittadely people who like fart jokes somewhat less than the rest of your friends, they're much more likely to like you.

Bahah

Good day.

I like that butterfly feeling I keep getting. And hate it at the same time.

...

YOU'RE SO HARD TO READ. lmao. NOT even FUNNY!

..

I thought it was funny how on the left under March it said I liked, and then Hookah? lol.

I'm not used to this whole flirting thing. I don't want to be obvious or annoying, but I want to be noticed. It's a hard balance :\

I liked

this weekend. And that one attractive person. Ya know? Indeed.

Hookah?

I don't get it at all.
Grow up.

Emotionally Drained

My mind is filled with so many thoughts. It's bearing down on me and taking a toll. I want to fix everything that is broken right now, but I have no idea how!

I leave

tomorrow for Disney.

And for those who noticed I linked by blog to facebook. So if you want my REAL blog to see all the posts go to savingmygeneration.blogspot.com... it's better.

I'm trying to figure out the camera for digital media and it's fricking me over. The lighting is bad. I have the ISO up pretty high and it is being cranky and making lots of things dark. Cause I wanna do a fast motion in like reg-dark lighting and i turn the shutter speed up for fast motion and then idk to do with the aperture then. And it is a F4 not F2 for the lowest? WTF? Nobody even knows what I'm talking about but there ya go. I'm angry at it. I wish I could throw it. Lol.

Bipolar

Relationship.

Shit.

Working

I'm trying to do homework and applications and scholarships. Its nice to stay busy and keep my mind off of sad stuff. I like the feeling of accomplishment. For some reason I want a busy schedule.

Faith

I went to church with my brother and sister in law and dad on Sunday. It was really nice to actually sit in on the service instead of sitting with the teenagers in the kids room, listening to stupid jokes and clips from tv shows and other such immature things. My co-pastor had a lesson on how bad things happen to good people and for certain reasons. And if anything horribly bad goes wrong, God is definitely behind it. Not persay because of sin (which is something I don't believe in), but possibly because of all our negative thoughts and hateful feelings.

She was saying that whenever something goes terribly wrong in your life, you have to have faith. Faith that it will always be okay, and if you believe that, it will come true, and the feeling will prosper, until another bad thought comes to mind. It was really difficult to listen to and not cry because it pertained so much to my life. The problems with my dad always make me think I'm too young to handle it, he's going to be like this forever, I lost my dad, he's brain-dead. All those negative thoughts run through my mind and when I think about those, I just feel helpless.

But what the pastor emphasized on was to focus on the positives in my life. I am so greatful that my dad is alive and I've had the chance to see and grow off of his intelligence and intellect. I was raised by a wonderful father. Also my close friends have helped me be strong through this. Also something I am truely greatful for is seeing my brother continually, and having him come to town more often. I have never been closer to him in my life, and it is the best relationship. I love him so much and I feel like he is a new part of my life. He is helping me, and I don't feel so alone. I can cry in front of him and he holds me and tells me everything is going to be okay. He tells me he loves me. We were never able to do any of those things. I am so greatful for this challenge God has given me and for a chance for me to grow and learn. I am so glad that Meike who led the speech at church that day made me realize what I need to focus on. It has been eye-opening. I hope I can keep these positive thoughts continuous and abundant throughout the rest of this year.

Highschool

I couldn't agree with my bff Shelly anymore.

I WANT OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE.
I am way bigger than highschool. I am way bigger than drama. I have more shit going on in my life than the last break up or the last stab in the back. I have real life problems that I am not mature enough to deal with. Unlike the most childish things that happen everyday at school. I can't wait to get out and go to college. It's unbelievable how bad I want it.

I am...

I am very sleepy again. And I have lots of homework. I'm going to sleep in tomorrow. I'm glad the snow is off the streets. I like Jared Tuohy. I want to be in French 3. I can't wait for the new semester to begin. My contacts are dry. My cut lip on the inside is very infected and I want it to heal. It'd be nice to eat and kiss my dog. Or... Lol. K. Yes. Alright.

X-Mas Break

I've had a wonderfully long break. I don't really want to go back to school -- unless it's college lol. I'm ready for that next step. I suppose I should enjoy the wait :D

I am very...

sleepy.